Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Face + Hair = FaceHair

Last night, we were heading out to the IO Christmas Party Spectacular. So, I decided to shave. And as I ran the razor down my face, I reflected on my life as a shaver and realized I had no idea when I first started shaving. I can remember a time when I wasn't shaving (elementary school). I even have pictures to prove it. Likewise, I can clearly recall periods of my
life where I have needed to shave (yesterday and today, for instance). But, the Mason Dixon line between baby face and stubble face is hazy to say the very least.

I can't even remember anyone really teaching me. I'm sure my dad would have if I had asked him, but I don't remember ever asking him or, for that matter, ever having the feeling of needing to ask him. Did he teach me and I just forgot? I don't know. All I know is day in and day out, for years, I just woke up in the morning and brushed my teeth and now for years, day in and day out, I've been waking up in the morning and brushing my teeth and shaving my face. Apparently, it was a seamless transition. I have no apparent scars to remind me of doing it wrong. It's as if one day I just woke up hairy and magically knew how to pull a razor along my face without leaving divets or hacking through veins and vital arteries.

I'd like to know when my face got so coarse. Then, when they finally make a time machine, I will know exactly where to flash back to stop it! It's not that I don't like facial hair. In fact, the exact opposite is sometimes true. I just don't always like facial hair. The perfect solution would be to somehow absorb the mutant power to control my facial hair. That way I could wake up and instantly decide whether I wanted a smooth face or a fu man chu.


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