Jackass Penguin (Literally) Makes Shitty Gift (Figuratively)

So says CNN.

from the article (paraphrased):
"There's some freak dumbass out there who stole a freaking penguin and is probably planning on giving it away as a present. What the hell? Are you retarded? Oh, wait. What if they actually turned out to be retarded? That would be really insensitive of me. Jeez. I'd better rephrase that. What are you? Some kind of dumbass? No, I already said dumbass. That's redundant. What are you a dumbass, you freak dumbass? Man, I am not coming off very smart here. How about, "Are you an idiot?" That's not to close to "retarded" is it? Oh, that sounded insensitive, too. Um, let's see, uh...ok...What are you, a fucking retard? Yeah. That's it. Go with that one. And you can quote me on that!"

pictured to the right: The Jackass Penguin ((Spheniscus demersus)