corporate gifts

being gainfully employed by corporate america for some time, it seems hypocritical of me to mock the masters who make me make money (i reached for that alliteration and I GOT IT!), but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

while looking for pictures of oil derricks for my below post, i came across a corporate gift site with the stupidest gift i've ever seen.

the black gold oil derrick award.

i'm assuming that the gift is intended for people who work for oil companies. most likely companies that actually work in the drilling of oil, which seems like a small number to me. far too small to warrant a company that specializes in gifts for that theme. right? anyway, if i come across, say $11,450.00 this week, i'll blow most of it on video games, then buy six or seven of these and send them to the following people with the following inscriptions:

1. my boss, wendy. "you likes pigs, and oil is made out of dead pigs, right?"
2. my favorite nurse at northwestern, who's name escapes me right now. "you are the best cardiac nurse in the world" because nothing says, "you are the best cardiac nurse in the world" better than a gold plated oil derrick.
3. dusty warren in seattle. "this is a metaphor for sexual intercourse". if you've seen flaming box's show, you know what i'm talking about.
4. jakob dylan. "quit trading in on your dad's name, you hack!" actually, i'm a big fan. no i'm not.
5. my mom. "if oil fields were great mothering, you would be the middle east." i love my mom.
6. "fast" willie parker", starting running back for the steelers. "the jimbo mickleson award: awarded to the nfl player most likely to purchase an oil derrick based on week 1 rushing statistics"
7. myself, me. "this statuette is an award for your continued excellence in the field of blogging. please accept this check for $11,450.00 as a token of our appreciation."