Celebrity News Roundup

What a day to be a celebrity! So many news, so little time...

TomKat to World: We're Preggers!
Tom Cruise is with Katie Holmes and Katie Holmes is with...CHILD! The couple is "excited", and plans to name their baby G'namthar, in honor of the leader of Tom Cruise's home planet, Mblqu. Holmes is forbidden from using western medicine while delivering the baby, so everyone is asked to use their "mind powers" to ward off any preeclampsyia that might develop. Tom Cruise is crazy!

Nipsy Russell Nips the Big One!
Beloved entertainer Nipsy Russell "eased on down" the "highway to heaven" where he "bought the farm" and by that I mean "died"!

Look out Loretta! Lindsay Lohan! SMASH! SMASH!
Trying to flee from an enterprising photographer, everybody's second-favorite Lohan (behind the character from Big Trouble in Little China- of was his name Lopan?) SMASHED her car into another car, creating a CAR CRASH! She was HURT in the incident and got TREATMENT at a local hospital. The driver of the other car was taken to the hospital as well, where he was treated for being STAR STRUCK! LITERALLY!

Till Death Do Us Part...NOT!
Blondes may have more fun, but sure seem to get divorced just as much. The Rumor Mill puts Jessica Simpson smack dab in the middle of Singlesville, USA, population: everyone! Simpson denied this, but she denies everything!