Oh, Ashlee

Actual singing is really taking a toll on Ashlee Simpson, leaving her hospitalized in Japan in what might turn out to be a quirky reality-show remake of Lost In Translation for the tween set.

I'm picturing quiet scenes of Ashlee trying to explain her penicillin allergy to the Japanese doctors, befriending the 15-year old son of a businessman who spends most of his time in Tokyo. I'm seeing him help her escape the hospital for a while, taking her on a soda-pop and XBox 360 binge, staying out well past bedtime. Hopefully they'll bring the rape-victim-prostitute back from the original, because I think it would be hilarious to see that exact same scene played out in Ashlee's hospital room.

You know what's really lost in all this? That some sixteen year old is working herself to the point of exhaustion, desperately trying to prove she's just as talented as her sister. That's actually pretty sad. But not sad enough for me to stop mocking her. I am going to stop, but it's only because I can't think of anything funny to say about this.