Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Who but Rumor...

Has there ever been a movie poster less informative than the one for Rumor Has It? Every morning for the past two weeks, I've driven past at least six billboards on my way to work, the same six on the way back, and have seen at least one bus with the poster on it's side. That comes to about 182 viewings. I have no idea what this movie is about. I do know that Jennifer Aniston is in it, and that Kevin Costner still somehow gets billing over Marc Rufalo. But as for the movie itself? Not a clue.

The tag line is "Based on a true rumor". That doesn't help. The pictures of each character are impossibly non-descriptive, although the Jennifer Aniston shot does say that she still looks great in jeans and a V-neck. The only other thing I can confirm via this poster is that Shirley MacLaine was alive when they took her picture.

I'm assuming that it's a formulaic romantic comedy that shoots Ms. Aniston from a lot of flattering angles. I can't help but presume that Kevin Costner's role is much smaller than the marquee would have you believe. Based purely on the poster, I've created a speculative plot summary:

Mary Franklin-Pierce (Aniston) is a hot, sexy lady living with a droll, past-his-prime actor named Ted (Costner). There's a rumor going around that he's gay, and Mary's psychic mother Biddy (MacLaine) predicts that hot, vaguely ethnic Spiro (Rufalo) is Ted's boyfriend. There's some prancing, some dancing, definitely some romancing, and it all ends up hilariously. "It's "In and Out" meets "When Harry Met Sally" meets "You've Got Mail!", said Roger Ebert. Whoops. Forgot to mention that emailing plays a vital part. Did I say it's hilarious?

Anyway, I guess I'm curious as to what it's about, but definitely not curious enough to drop nine bucks on it at the theatre, or 4 bucks on it at Blockbuster, or to waste a spot on my Netflix cue, or to order it on OnDemand, or to stop when I'm flicking through the channels and see that it's on TBS again, or to choose it over death when held captive by a crazy person. So I'll spend the next couple of seconds getting comfortable with the notion that I'll just never know what this movie is actually about.

There. That was easy.

addendum: OK, a little bit of curiosity and a lot of boredom at work got to me and I watched the trailer on the "Rumor Has It" website. I have to say it looks...better than awful, but how much better I can't say. It's a Rob Reiner film, so it has that going for it. It's got something to do with "The Graduate", and Kevin Coster's part does look to be smaller than you'd think. So I think I'm comfortable saying I would choose this film over death, were I held captive by a crazy person, and maybe, just maybe, I'll watch it when it's on TBS.


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