bad news, mike tornetta

avril leveen (i don't care how you spell it) is engaged! to some guy from sum 41 or blink 182 or smokestack 765 or some other pop punk band that starts with a word and ends with a number.

this is big news for several reasons. obviously, there's the inevitable "private" sex tape that'll make it's way to blankets manned by asian ladies in the new york subway system by labor day, but more importantly, if they conceive, the child could be that foretold in the prophecy recorded in 1976 by foghat bassist craig mac gregor



"and lo
from the north lands a vixen
of pure face
overly reliant on the third finger

and lo
from the great mecca
a man of modest renown
hair towering to the skies

begat a child
with the power to undo
all that we have done

the sun shall set in the east
the rain shall fall from the ground
the river's flow and the ocean's tide
the desert's rain and the beggar's pride

what child is this
the clock tolls nigh
at last it seems
rock and roll has died"

so, that's something to look forward to. i know that's not much comfort to those of you (mike tornetta) who fancied yourselves avril's betrothed, but i don't know how to finish this sentence in a way that makes you feel better. i guess if you want to land a hot, barely legal, barely punk musician, you'll have to yourself be a hot, barely legal, barely punk musician. that said, i'd like to be the first in the blogosphere to wish avril and her sk8er boi the best of luck with their short, short marriage.