ambassador? more like amb-asshole

g-dub forces bolton through as un ambassdor
george bush today gave john "cock" bolton what he's always wanted: a chance to be a cock to all the peoples of the world. we all know how bolton's cocksure tenacity plays in europe, and we've heard what canada thinks about him, even ohio has taken it's shots at this cockfaced, joyless man. but it's not fair to judge him until every contry of the world gets to meet him and decide he's a cock.

"i think he's a fine cock", said geroge bush "the united nations needs reform. the only person capable of doing this would have to be a real cock. john bolton is that cock."

asked if he thought bolton had the nuance necessary for the job, bush said "i've worked in washington for almost six years now. i've met a lot of cocks. but john bolton is a man that redefines cock. he's such a cock, cocks call him a cock. that's what the united nations needs right now, a cock with the forsight and determination to make the changes that insitution so badly needs."

republican senators were united in their praise. "what a cock," said virginia's george allen. arizona's john kyl remarked, "fucking cock".

democrats, in a rare showing of bipartisanship, agree. pat leahy (d- vt) said, "christ, is that guy a cock", and senator john kerry (d-ma) said, "in my estimation, this being no more a justification of the extent to which john bolton is a cock, i do indeed agree with, and fully support the pending nomination."

there were a few signs of dissent on capitol hill. "i think he's a fine man", said republican pennsylvania senator rick santorum, and former georgia senator zell miller said "i love that guy". still, overall reaction was positive, and it looks like, at long last, washington will have someone at the un who accurately reflects the way they feel about the rest of the world. dick cheney remarked, "at long last, we will have someone at the un who accuaretely reflects the way we feel about the rest of the world." i just said that. "no you didn't", said cheney.

bolton, when asked what his first act as ambassador to the un would be said, "i've always wanted to give uganda what they had coming to them- a mushroom tattoo. that's right, on my first day at general assembly, i'm going to whip out my cock, and slap m'bashi ulnim in the face with it until it leaves a mark."