laptops incite riot

a schoolboard's program to sell old ibooks for $50 each turned HILARIOUS yesterday when a mob of compu-crazed suburbanites shoved old ladies to the ground and trampled baby strollers in the mad rush to get their hands on one of the four year old laptop computers.

and this was just phase one of the sale, restricted only to school board taxpayers. in a few months, they'll do the whole thing over only this time, anyone can show up and lay down a grant and walk out with a computer. scratch that. be wheeled out while sucking their food through a straw, a trickle of blood escaping from their lips, one eye swollen shut and the other reddened from gouging, their useless legs bent in places no joint exists, a neck brace securing their now-fragile spine and a series of bags to collect their bodily wastes, with a computer.