To Find A Celeb

There's a section in our newspaper devoted to celebrity sightings over the past week. That's right! Not where celebrities will be, but where they were. Why? I mean it's literally a full page of where people had food, which stores they went to, which bathroom they used at O'Hare. How sad is that? I understand being star struck by a celebrity. I've been there. But, even if you sprinted to the place mentioned the second you read the article, you're not going to see Brad and Angelina unless you're reading today's paper yesterday. Besides, seventy-five percent of these reports are filled with people clinging to fame like poop to ass hair. People like Paris Hilton, her latest boyfriend, and the contestants of every reality TV show. And I honestly think the world would be a better place if we didn't know where they were.