Thursday, May 11, 2006

Of Fathers And Sons And Politics

George and George W. have both recently endorsed the idea of seeing the third in the Bush clan lift his leg and mark the White House for his own. With the election still in the distance, Jeb has yet to announce a running. And that's a good thing. Because it's important to look at our nation's past presidential family ties before making a rational decision. The problems brought on by hurt fathers and vengeful sons certainly deserves some consideration.

John Quincy Adams

Living in the shadow of your father is never easy. Imagine living in the shadow of a founding father. Try as you might to make a name for yourself (go ahead, grow mutton chops, add a Quincy), but you're still going to be remembered as John Adams' son. JQ spent his entire tenure working to overturn every act passed and/or supported by his renowned father, but to no avail (or not much avail). He would later attempt to distance himself from politics altogether, co-starring in movies like Amistad.

Benjamin Harrison

His grandfather, William Henry Harrison, served the shortest amount of time as president (1 month). His tenure in the presidency and in life cut early by a bout of pneumonia which he received as a result of stubbornly delivering his inaugural address on an exceptionally rainy day.

Benjamin was elected president in 1888. But, he saved his inaugural address until the first severe thunderstorm of the year. An audience of spectators watched as he ad-libbed for hours, battling the clouds in a test of endurance. Fourteen hours later, the very last drop of rain dripped from up high and Benjamin closed his speech by pointing up to the sky and pumping his fist in memorium. The audience had all but passed out and within weeks they would all succumb to William Henry's same fate (stupid stubborn people pneumonia). But, decked in eight rain slickers (one for every year of his grandfather's unfulfilled tenure), Benjamin left unscathed and served one term.
Historians continue to argue to this day whether his vengeance was directed towards the rain or the audience.

*Most of these facts were blatantly made up in a desperate attempt to sway everyone who reads this to avoid voting in another Bush ever again!


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