Monday, July 10, 2006

Thankless Jobs

If you're Lassie, we can all guess what's on your mind. You want to chase and herd something. Anything. Sheep. Goats. Lettuce. Collies love the shepherding. It's naturally in their blood. And that's what Chicago is banking on. The city just hired a brigade of collies to perform what may be the most repetitive, seemingly pointless job.

See, Lake Michigan is known for more than it's limestone bottom. It's a haven for e coli which frequently hold large-scale family reunions throughout its water. You know the kind. Softball games, chit chat, and homemade pie. Oh, and diarehea enducing. Anyway, sea gull poop is one of the safest ways for e coli to travel. It's also economical and warm.

The collies are being sent on a never ending mission to chase off sea gulls from the sands of Lake Michigan beaches before they can drop a turd. Then, the collies sit, watch the sea gulls break away towards the horizon, and then watch them quickly turn around and head back to the same spot that they had planned on pooping in only seconds ago. That gives anyone wanting to swim about 2.5 seconds to make an e coli free sand castle or dip their head in the e coli-less ocean before the sea gulls come back and threaten defecation. This is the job of these brave, brave, sad, sad collies.


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