Friday, November 25, 2005

Cannibal Squirrels!!

So, here's the thing. Yesterday, Thanksgiving morning, was the second time someone in our household has spotted a carnivorous squirrel, making us all thankful that at least squirrels have yet to develop a taste for human ankle.

But, Tom burst into our front door, blanched white and screaming, "Oh my God! Oh my God!" He had caught a glimpse of a squirrel with something furry in its mouth. At first he took this to be a cat-like way of transporting a baby, but when the squirrel dashed up a tree in an attempt to flee the scene, Tom could see the dead rat hanging out of the Squirrels mouth. And now that the squirrel was safe high up on a tree branch, he looked into Tom's eyes and took a bite of his rat feast.

And sadly, this has happened before. Balzer and Ruth spotted a squirrel resting across our porch rail, another squirrel's tail protruding from its mouth. When the squirrel realized he was being watched, he tried to play it off like he hadn't just swallowed his best friend whole, but to no avail. No matter what he said, he couldn't cover up the evidence hanging out of his mouth. He, too, fled the scene.

Could these be the same squirrel? Perhaps. But, one thing is for certain. We have some serious squirrel problems here. We've also had not one, not two, but three squirrel break-ins over the past few months and that doesn't even count the squirrel that walked into Tom's room and died under some clothes. They stare passers-by down and sometimes even charge you. And the funny thing is, no matter how tough you are, if a cute little furry squirrel maniacally charges you, you'll find yourself screaming and running like you were being chased by a bengal tiger.

So, what can we do? Squirrels can't be allowed to take over Rosemont Ave.

Why not hollow them all out and put liquor bottles inside them? That's what this guy does. And maybe that justifies the squirrel anger towards people (although the carnivore/cannibal incidents still go unexplained).


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