Best Of

Ah, the end of the year. That time of year when we're bombarded with a million and one countdowns and best of lists. And what with VH1's I Love the 80's, 90's, and The Best Week Ever, it's actually been going on all this year. So as to keep up with the Benjamins and their neighbors, I figured I might as well shit one out myself. So, here it is:

The Best Moments Of The Beginning Of My Day
(Or I Love My Morning) (Or That Was The Best Morning Ever)

The Alarm Goes Off

Hal Sparks
"So, Shane wakes up and he hits his snooze button. He'd just been dreaming soundly...like an angel...a pigeon-toed angel dreaming of walking a straight line. And, he's like...quasi-up even though he wants to sleep. That's the trouble with this guy and his snooze button. He never gets fully back to sleep for that ten minute grace period and, in fact, is awake enough that he could just turn the alarm off all together and control his own destiny-you know give himself ten minutes and then, get up without having to hear the bookend of a ten minute NPR interview."

Eating Raisin Bran

Michael Ian Black
"Shane likes his Raisin Bran generic and in a bag. Simple. Easy. Awesome. Also, since there's been no shopping since before the Christmas break, he found the milk to be expired. Not expired enough to not drink it, though. Spoiled. Easy. Awesome."

A Phone Call At Work

Patrice O'Neal
"Shane answers the phone at work. It's a gentleman. A gentleman caller who wants to know the temperature of the pool. 82 degrees. Outrageous!"

Moment of Multi-Tasking

Rachael Harris
"Shane is swiping a member's card and-what ho-the phone rings. So, now Shane's swiping a card and answering the phone. And what's this? Now the person with the card wants their parking validated! Wha! What a conundrum! And here comes another member readying their card for a swipe-in. The madness! The new arrival says, "What's up?" and Shane answers with, "Good." Oh man!! And, suddenly, in one foul symantical error, Shane goes from a multi-tasking genius to a first class idiot-which he will most-assuredly be remembered as for the rest of his life."

Another Phone Call At Work

Patrice O'Neal
"Shane picks up and nobody answers. Nary a sound. Not even a perverted deep breath. Whew! What a morning!"


Rachael Harris
"What a-"


Michael Ian Black
"What a-"


Hal Sparks
"What a morning?"


Patrice O'Neal
"Whew!"