Friday, April 21, 2006


Like most health clubs, the TVs at mine are set on mute, but with the subtitles at the bottom, allowing for multiple TVs to broadcast different channels without mixing the dialogue into garbled nonsense and keeping the ears open to hear the soundtrack pouring over the general PA system (which, bizarrely enough, contains spices of The Cranberries' Ode to my Family and Gary Jules' Mad World for a meloncholy kick unlike any workout experience you've ever wanted to have).

Today, I caught some of Sportscenter. From the picture, I could tell Brett Favre was being talked about. But, the subtitles had a story of their own, going a little something like this:
"U U U U U U Ug Uuuuu UUx Up U U U,< U U UUooUY Ux Ud Uuu U U"

And that's a direct quote. I wrote it down as it was happening.

In a gym, the subtitles really don't matter. All you have to see is Brett Favre and you think, "Hey, that's Brett Favre. He lifts weights. I lift weights. I'm just like Brett Favre."

Also a direct quote.

But, if you're depending on those words for information, it must be pretty frustrating. You have no idea what Brett Favre is doing. Has he broken a record? A bone? Is he retiring? Is the football season starting early? BRETT? BRETT? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? WHAT DO THESE 'U's MEAN?!

This is a national problem that needs to be fixed ASAP. Maybe it's not the most important, but it's at least in the top five.


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