oh the price of gas

me: hey, i'm almost out of gas.

gasman: okay?

me: how much is regular?

gasman: umm...$2.84, right?

me: yeah. that's the thing. i don't really have any money, so...

gasman: so?

me: how much gas would you give me for this? (hold up pair of jumper cables)

gasman: i don't...i don't think i can do that.

me: what if i throw these in? (holds up jug of washer fluid and stack of mcdonalds napkins from glove compartment)

gasman: no. no no. you can't...get out.

me: alright, alright, i'll give you this map of minnesota, too (holds up jug of anti-freeze)

gasman: get out now.

me: alright. but if i was trying to get water instead of gas, and was really thirsty, like dying of dehydration instead of almost out of gas, and we were on the outskirts of a desert and it was completely obvious that i had just trudged through the desert and was on death's door unless you gave me some water, would you give me some gas?

gasman: i call cops. i call cops.

me: well, take this (holds up jug of water) on me, just remember that next time i come in here.

(i walk to my car, get in and realize i still have half a tank. i walk back in)

me: hey. it's me again. i forgot my water (takes jug of water).

(i walk to my car, get in and start it up. drive off into sunset. cue "stay" by lisa loeb and nine stories. roll credits, fade out)