Oh, the Avian

Avian Flu. Two words that, if you haven't heard already, you most definitely will have heard before the day is through. These two words seem to be on the tip of everyone's tongues. How can we properly be prepared for avian flu?

Well, let's first look at the words themselves. As I've stated previously and as you probably already deduced on your own before I even said it, Avian Flu is made of two words-Avian and Flu. Avian equals bird. Flu is pretty self-explanatory in today's day and age.

In days long gone, flu was treated with blood-letting and sometimes more blood-letting. Along with countless other methods, those are now obsolete and have been replaced with the more preventive measure of vaccination. This, in avian flu's case, can only really be taken care of by world leaders and Worldwide Health Organizations (In the US's case, President
Bush has pledged 7.1 billion dollars). There are pure vaccines and medicines that will weaken the flu after it has entered your system. So, we've got that working for us.

So, let's look at the other word-the one we've been ignoring and, in my opinion, the most important word-Avian. As I've stated before, avian equals bird. And folks, let's get serious here. There are literally millions of birds spread out across the world. You may even be looking at one now. (If you are, stop it! You're only encouraging them. Besides, you've got more readinig to do.) We can stick ourselves with needles and swallow pills all we want, but facts are facts and words are words and avian flu is made of two, one of which is avian which equals bird. It's like they always say you can take the flu out of avian flu, but you can't take the flu out of avian because it lives inside the birds. I think Einstein said that and who doesn't trust Einstein?
I'll tell you who-COMMUNISTS!

Hope is not lost, though. Sure, birds are everywhere and each and everyone of them could be carrying this virus. But, just as vaccines can prevent the flu, a wall can prevent birds. Yes, I went there. We need a wall. A big wall. One so high no bird alive could fly over it (and dead ones would have an even harder time). This would kill two birds with one wall (no pun intended). We'd keep avian flu from spreading to us and we'd finally know how high birds can fly.

And folks, now's the perfect time to act. It's fall. Birds are already starting to pack their things and head south for the winter. They're practically doing half the work for us! Those feathered fools! While they're down south, we can easily finish the second half. Brick by brick we build our bird-proofing wall so that, come spring, every bird will be stuck in the south forever and, in essence, the northern half of the world will finally be avian flu free. Of course, penguins will still remain in the north, but as far as I can tell, we've had no problem with penguins so far.
Warning for penguins: The second we sense a problem, we will not hesitate to begin construction on the world's largest catapault to launch you and all your penguin-assed buddies deep into southern avian flu territory.

Sure, this plan looks good on paper, but can we actually accomplish such a feat? The answer is surpsingly 'YES'! Here's how:

1.) We will need to locate the exact latitude where the south* begins.

*From now on, south will be defined as 'The area where birds migrate to escape winter'.

2.) We're going to need lots of bricks and mortar. Of particular concern is the oceany areas. These can get pretty deep and pretty wet, meaning we're most likely going to need thousands possibly millions of boatloads of bricks and the invention of some kind of mortar that'll dry underwater.

3.) With more bricks, we're going to need more masons. Millions upon millions of masons, in fact. So, if you don't know any masonry, it's time for some night classes, ASAP.

4.) We will need to evacuate all humans from the south into the north slowly enough not to startle any birds, but quick enough to get them behind the wall before the first bricks are laid. There will be no doors.

So yeah, hopefully, this will work out. If we can all cooperate as humans, I feel like this may truly unite the entire world. It's birds or us or flu or us and in both cases I choose us. I choose a wall.